Everybody prays at some time or another. Everybody.
Perhaps to different Gods…but none the less we pray.
Even agnostics close their eyes and weep. This is a prayer too.
And whether these be with thanksgiving, remorse, or downright fear…there is always an ear to hear.
Sometimes these ears are unworldly, hearing a silent scream into the atmosphere. And other times a whisper is all it takes to be heard. This is my whisper.
I ask whoever reads this to keep good thoughts for me, for my loved ones…near and far. As life defines these tests of love, of endurance, strength for the day..I am losing a battle while on my own. I require edification and enlightenment for the way is very dark at this moment in my life. I am scared. Frightened like a fragile deer seeking a place to run to…and am cornered into a battle for my existence as a writer, a parent, and a loving member of this planet.
I am a poet. I am an artist. And I am a mother, yet these things do not define me. And it seems that everything happening in my life is stopping me from crossing that bridge that Elton John sings of. I stand at the steps looking across. I want to go and am pulled back by everything else in my life, chained it seems, by family troubles and behaviors.
I wrote eleven songs in less than an hour this morning. Good songs. And now these are somewhere out on the street in my child’s grasp because she believes I love her less than my art, yet I love her through my art. We are a family in pain. How screwed up can any life get. Yet I am grateful. We each are alive. In this world, so many problems, tainted souls that cry for help and go unheard. I can communicate. I can say I have a problem and seek help. There are those in this world that suffer much more than I do…and have no words. This is where my being a poet must be. And while my family and I have problems with our individual ability to communicate, and this has deteriorated to the point of destruction, threats and intimidation, I am still able to speak. And so I ask for your prayers. Not just for me. But for all the others in this world who at this very moment are in the midst of a hellish battle to find something good in their lives.
Why say these things in such a space and time. Because someone will hear. Someone will pray. And maybe somehow, someway strength and love will return to this family that is broken with pain.
As I write this, I know my flaws, my defects, my inabilities and lacking’s…I know where I went wrong. I know the long term effects, and live with the damages…and I struggle with this, with these every day.
I am a human being that has made mistakes. I am tired of stones, and pebbles, and bones. I seek shelter, comfort, and care. I seek this for each of my family members. That is all. Who will light the way?
As I leave this page, this post, it may be sometime before I can come back. To those of you who have been friend, I thank you for your support and nurturing. To those of you who have been other than…peace to your heart…I seek no ill will. And to all who pray. Continue as you breathe. Do not stop.
May God Bless You and Yours,
keep smiling, keep shining…
I am not anonymous.
I am not proud.
I am not silent.
I am not loud.
I am a whisper,
for a prayer
that you will show me
how to care.
I am not weak.
Nor am I strong.
I am not tired.
But this day is long.
I am not sorry.
But I have regrets.
I live with worry.
And live with debts.
I long for comfort.
I long for friends.
To share the song
that never ends.